Can people please keep there months shut.. 
 Why is my life so important to other people. Why is it what I do and whom I do it with such a Bleeping big deal..

Let me give you some back ground information on my life.  I have lead a very Bold and the Beautiful life…… During high school years I had a group of close friends. Mainly males but that’s ok cause I was always one of the boys anyway.  One of the guys in my little group I fell in love with I was all of 14, He was my first EVERYTHING.. my first kiss, my first love, my first time… He was my EVERYTHING..
 During high school we had our ups and downs.. if you listen to all my friends it was more downs than ups.. kissing and dating of other people all that teenage stuff that we all go through..  Then came the ultimate betrail, While having a break from each other the love of my life got someone else pregnant…….

 As you can imagine I was a mess.. I thought that is was the end.. It didnt matter what I felt anymore I wouldnt be able to be with him again.. I was never going to be the other women. So as you can imagine I wasnt a very nice person to be around. And the hardest thing was that we still had joint friends.. and some of them where my bestfriends.. So as hard as it was I pretended that I was happy for him..
 Then about 4 months into the pregancy he called me up I think I was about 16 telling me how sorry he was and that he really wanted to be with me all things that a 16 year old wants to hear from the guy that she loves.. And it started a 4 year affair.
 Im not proud of this part of my life.. during this time his baby was born they contiuned living together and I dated other people, but we continued seeing each other as much as we could.. Then there would be times she found out.. we would stop for a while then with in 6 weeks we would start all over again.. So yes she knew………………….. But we couldnt stop it…… I tried believe me but I just could shake that feeling that we were meant to be together… maybe I was young and stupid but you get that. 
 The other things to is that everyone knew.. They would always make there feelings felt on what we were doing. Normally to his girlfriend.. They thought that by telling us what they thought we would stop are that their opinion mattered .. UMM NO.. 
 After 4 years I deciede that I had to leave, I had to move away to start a new life which didnt invole him… It broke my heart… Specailly when I told him.. I knew that he didnt want me to go but he knew that we couldnt be together cause he would never leave his child. We spent one last time together and I said good bye.

That was back in 1999 it’s now 2008 alot has happened since then.. He went on to have 3 more children and I went on to have 1. We went on with our lives ok so it might not have been the way that I wanted but I did the best I could. I never forgot him and I never forgot how I felt about him.

Last year I separated from my childs father and I recently became aware that her had seperated from his partner.. I never expected to hear from him but I did, we still have mutuall friends and he found me.. LOL Now Im not going to sit here and tell you that the moment he spoke to me I knew that I still wanted to be with him because it wasn’t like that.. I did remember why I used to feel the way that I did, But I also knew that alot of things had changed in the last 10 years, so hopefully we could try and be friends..

 Then I made the mistake of catching up with him on a recent holiday to our home town. Im not going to go into detail lets just say that we spent alot of time together, we meet each others kids which was a little weird.. we just caught up.. Then I remember how I felt all those years ago.. And why havent i felt that way since him.. HOW DO YOU SHAKE A 15 YEAR FEELING.

 Now that I have returned home.. people know and thier talking about it.. what business is it of theres anyway.. thats what I want to know…
 If I want to be with him and he wants to be with me then everyone else can go and get stuffed. I intend on telling them all that to..

 How do you move on from your first love?  

This is a question that I have been pondering over the last couple of weeks.. Why because after 4 years of being chained to his kitchen sink my first boyfriend my first love, my first everything phones me up out of the blue.. He’s broken up with the mother of his 4 children and needed someone to talk to..  What makes him think that I would want to talk to him? After all he broke my heart.. He choose the other women over me..  now 12 years on Im expected to sit there and listen to him cry on the end of the phone about how bad it has all turned out… UMM NO… Welcome to my world 12 years ago KARMA is a bitch mate get used to it…..
 Do you think that I could say any of this to him thou.. NO.. I sat there like a good friend and listened to him pore his heart out.. And I’m still doing it 3 weeks on. 
 During a couple of our conversations I started to remember what it was about this guy that I loved.. But at the same time I remember what it was that made me hate him.. But the hate feeling tends to fades away alot quicker then your original feelings do.

I have loved 2 people with my whole heart in my life, He was the first and the second I have a child with but we recently broke up also. So my faith in love is being tested to the max at the moment. I have found thou that feeling of loves sticks around for along time.. But will it ever go away…….

I do believe that comparing the 2 loves was what helped destroy my last relationship.. bringing in baggage from an old relationship into the new one is just not a good thing but having been hurt so badly before I couldn’t help it..  But how do you move on from the first heart break so that it doesn’t ruin the rest of your life…. If you can answer is please let me know…….

Hello to all.
 Goodness me it has been a long time since I posted.. As you can see we have deleted the old blog and put up a whole new one. This Blog will not be all about Connor like my last one, it’s going to be about everything and anything..
 Whatever I feel like talking about is going to go into this blog………. So if we are friends and I upset you then dont read my blog anymore..

 I would really like to thank Tina for the excellent new site.. She rocks good friend that one to..

 For today that is all.. I just touching base to make sure that we all know where we stand…

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